Be of Good Cheer

I just got off my knees in fervent prayer, asking the Lord to change my heart.
As mothers, we have so many sacred responsibilities and one of them is to influence the spirit in our homes. We wield a great power to determine the spirit and tone that is felt here, and I have failed greatly. As mothers we can choose to be cheerful and supportive or downcast and critical. Whatever we choose, our children, husbands, and all others who enter our home will largely follow. As keepers of the home and nurtures of the family, we have been charged with the sacred obligation to raise our children in the gospel with hope and love. One of my greatest struggles in this life is with depression- I think it is a great tool that Satan uses in our modern world to discourage and defeat us. Too often, in fact most days lately I feel that I let that influence pervade our home. I allow discouragement, pessimism, criticisms, discontent and irritations to dissolve the harmony that could exist. Bella and Fiona, you are still young, but you are not immune from the effects of my shortcomings. At dinner last night Bella, you asked me why I was so cranky. "Why are you so cranky? I'm helping you!" you innocently and correctly said. I had no response, because I have no reason to be cranky. I cannot identify why I often feel anger and irritation and resentment, but I can identify the source. I know that Satan uses these feelings to undermine my role as a mother and to weaken me to the point where I am rendered ineffectual or detrimental as a mother. So today I prayed in earnest that Heavenly Father would change my heart. I asked him to make me a 'new creature in Christ' and soften my heart. I asked to be healed so that I may exude cheerfulness, gratitude, hope, love and support. I want to fill my home with the optimism that comes from living the gospel and knowing that all is well. I have been greatly blessed, the Lord is on my side, and I have no reason to droop in sin. I have a wonderful husband who adores and supports me, healthy happy children who are sensitive and good-hearted. We have a comfortable home, clothes to wear, food enough to eat and loved ones who stand by willing to help in any way. I am going to strive daily to affect the spirit in our home. I will pray daily to have my heart softened and changed, that I can see you as daughters of God with the potential and divinity that you possess. I want to be of good cheer. I know that I am up against a formidable enemy, and so I must pray daily for the strength and energy to overcome.
I am choosing to be of good cheer and to let that  bless my home and family.

xoxo

The last few months I have found myself with a renewed desire to improve in all things Church-related. I had become way too complacent-even lazy about my testimony and the things I know I need to do to keep it and strengthen it. I started by vowing that we would have family prayers and scriptures every night. This is not something that  was consistently achieved in my home growing up, try as we might. Having a young family of my own, I can see why. I'm sure those reasons will become painfully more obvious as we reach the teenage years, but for now you are willing and eager participants. Especially Bella. You never let us go a night without scriptures, and always beg for one more. (We read from the simplified, illustrated ones for kids put out by the church.) Nevertheless, I knew it was an essential practice in our home and I finally, 5+ years after Bella was born, decided it had to happen now. So for several months now, we have consistently had family prayer and scriptures before bed at night, whether Daddy is home or not.
My next goal is having regular Family Home Evening, another tradition that was not held regularly by my wonderful and well-intentioned parents. We haven't had so much success in that arena yet.
I also committed to my own personal prayer and scripture study in the mornings, which with small children can be difficult to say the least. Bella is in school now, so after I see you off it's just me and Fiona for the day. Mercifully, Fiona stays in her crib for a couple hours after Bella leaves so I use that time in quiet reflection, study and prayer. (Not for 2 hours though! I also get caught up on the internet, occasionally do some housework, and sometimes take a nap. At 8:30 in the morning.)
Daddy and I are also committed to paying a full tithing.
It should be obvious, but I am a slow learner: The blessings that have come from these practices are innumerable! Having struggled with depression for years, I find myself more steady. Of course I have bad days, and sometimes they stretch out longer than that-but on the whole, I find myself more constant. My impressions and promptings from the Spirit have greatly increased as I am more worthy of and sensitive to them. I am more able to receive revelation for myself and my family. I feel uplifted. I have greater patience, peace, faith and acceptance. It is amazing to see my confidence, which is usually so lacking, grow and strengthen, even though nothing has outwardly changed.
When we dedicate ourselves to practicing the basic but essential things that will draw us closer to the Lord, we are blessed exponentially. We are greater in spirit, more able to feel His love, and bless the lives of others-most importantly our families.
{Duh.}

xoxo