I just got off my knees in fervent prayer, asking the Lord to change my heart.
As mothers, we have so many sacred responsibilities and one of them is to influence the spirit in our homes. We wield a great power to determine the spirit and tone that is felt here, and I have failed greatly. As mothers we can choose to be cheerful and supportive or downcast and critical. Whatever we choose, our children, husbands, and all others who enter our home will largely follow. As keepers of the home and nurtures of the family, we have been charged with the sacred obligation to raise our children in the gospel with hope and love. One of my greatest struggles in this life is with depression- I think it is a great tool that Satan uses in our modern world to discourage and defeat us. Too often, in fact most days lately I feel that I let that influence pervade our home. I allow discouragement, pessimism, criticisms, discontent and irritations to dissolve the harmony that could exist. Bella and Fiona, you are still young, but you are not immune from the effects of my shortcomings. At dinner last night Bella, you asked me why I was so cranky. "Why are you so cranky? I'm helping you!" you innocently and correctly said. I had no response, because I have no reason to be cranky. I cannot identify why I often feel anger and irritation and resentment, but I can identify the source. I know that Satan uses these feelings to undermine my role as a mother and to weaken me to the point where I am rendered ineffectual or detrimental as a mother. So today I prayed in earnest that Heavenly Father would change my heart. I asked him to make me a 'new creature in Christ' and soften my heart. I asked to be healed so that I may exude cheerfulness, gratitude, hope, love and support. I want to fill my home with the optimism that comes from living the gospel and knowing that all is well. I have been greatly blessed, the Lord is on my side, and I have no reason to droop in sin. I have a wonderful husband who adores and supports me, healthy happy children who are sensitive and good-hearted. We have a comfortable home, clothes to wear, food enough to eat and loved ones who stand by willing to help in any way. I am going to strive daily to affect the spirit in our home. I will pray daily to have my heart softened and changed, that I can see you as daughters of God with the potential and divinity that you possess. I want to be of good cheer. I know that I am up against a formidable enemy, and so I must pray daily for the strength and energy to overcome.
I am choosing to be of good cheer and to let that bless my home and family.